The Scale Isn't Listening

I thought the quiet weeks—the ones where nothing particularly interesting happened, but the scale still moved—were the hardest blog posts to write.

I was wrong.

Last week, I posted my blog before weighing in. After publishing it, I went to see Dianne, stepped on the scale, and...

Nothing.

The scale didn't move.

Now, if I'm being completely honest—as I always try to be—I wasn't entirely surprised. It wasn't my best week. There were definitely areas where I could have done better.

So while I wasn't thrilled, I could at least understand it.

This week, however, was a different story.

I stepped on the scale once again and what happened?

You guessed it.

Nothing.

Again.

Two weeks in a row.

The scale didn't move.

And unlike last week, I felt like I had earned better.

No extra bites, tastes, or licks.

No alcohol.

Nothing off the Pick-n-Chews list.

No "just this once" moments.

No mysterious food incidents that conveniently forgot to make it onto my food sheet.

I was good.

Okay, fine. Maybe I didn't exercise every single day.

And maybe I didn't drink all 48 ounces of water every single day.

But surely that couldn't matter that much, right?

Apparently, the answer is yes.

The current working theory is too much sodium and not enough water.

The fluid retention is apparently running this operation now.

So, this week, I will be drinking at least the required amount of water every day and, just to be safe, cutting out all other beverages.

No alcohol.

No Diet Coke.

No orange juice.

Just water.

So much water.

Will it help?

Fingers crossed.

Because while staying the same isn't nearly as painful as seeing a gain, it is incredibly annoying.

At this point, I'm not sure if I need a diuretic, an IV bag, an exorcism, or a meditation session to unblock my chakras.

Possibly all four.

Naturally, I made the mistake of asking AI why my scale hasn't moved.

This was apparently where things went off the rails.

The top theories included:

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• Hormone imbalance

• Thyroid issues

• Pregnancy (not even a 0.0001% chance)

• Being dead

• Blocked Root and Solar Plexus Chakras

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While AI kindly suggested a trip to the doctor for the first three possibilities, I was disappointed to discover that it offered absolutely no guidance if I am, in fact, among the living dead.

I also wasn't familiar with either of the chakras it mentioned, so I decided to investigate.

Apparently, the Root Chakra is located at the base of the spine and can show signs of imbalance through lower back pain and digestive issues.

The Solar Plexus Chakra is located in the upper abdomen and can also be associated with digestive problems.

Now, while I'm not entirely convinced that a stagnant scale requires spiritual intervention, I learned that meditation, yoga, and positive affirmations are all recommended ways to restore chakra balance.

And honestly?

At this point, I'm willing to keep an open mind.

So this week my plan is simple:

Drink more water.

Move more.

Reduce sodium.

And, for good measure, practice my chakra affirmations.

One of the four has to work.

Because if next week's weigh-in is another zero, I may have to revisit the zombie theory.

This week: 0 pounds lost

Total loss so far: 50 pounds