Where’d It All Go?

Friends and family are starting to notice my weight loss — I know because of the comments I’ve been getting. It’s nice that other people see it, I think…

The problem is, I’m not sure if I do.

I lost one pound this week, which isn’t overly exciting, but it’s another step in the right direction. Seven weeks in, I’ve lost a total of 28 pounds. But honestly — where did it go?

I look in the mirror and don’t see any difference in myself. Granted, we never see our true selves — only a reflection — and I know my brain probably doesn’t see (or doesn’t want to see) the truth of my image. I’m not sure I feel any different yet, either.

I’m still wearing the same number-size jeans I was at the start of this journey. Yes, I know women’s clothing sizes are basically a cruel joke — a size 20 at Lane Bryant is not the same as a size 20 at Walmart, and even my own jeans, all marked the same size, don’t fit me the same. It doesn’t feel like a win (well… a loss, really) even though I can now wear the size 20 jeans that were too tight two months ago.

What I have noticed is that my favorite ugly bra doesn’t fit as comfortably or nicely as it used to.

Side note: I call it my ugly bra because it fully embodies what comedian Iliza Shlesinger describes in her skit about how every woman has an ugly bra — the gray-beige one that should never see the light of day but has been with us through everything and always fits. Mine even has a hair-dye stain on the strap and incisions where I removed the underwire.

Anyway — it’s nice being able to wear the cute bras again, but I’m fairly certain those 28 pounds didn’t all come from that one area alone.

So I ask again — where did it go?

I was recently told there’s a phenomenon where you can’t lose weight and inches at the same time. That sounded bizarre to me, but also stuck in my brain like a thorn, so naturally… I Googled it.

Apparently, this phenomenon is real and tied to visceral fat loss — the fat around your internal organs. Losing it doesn’t necessarily change external measurements (like pant size) but does positively impact your overall health.

Maybe that’s what that statement really means. It’s not that you can’t lose weight and inches at the same time, but maybe you have to lose that hidden, visceral weight first before you see the inches drop.

And I need to remind myself: fat is lost from all over, not just one area at a time.

So, to finally answer my question — it’s gone from everywhere. And thank Thin’s In for that.

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And while I’m pondering where my weight is disappearing to, I found myself thinking about one of the Behavior Modification Techniques that I never really took seriously:

“Eat all meals and snacks in the same place. This will make you conscious of the food you are eating.”

This one always felt… superfluous. I mean, I know what I’m eating — how could I get more conscious of it than that? And how would my body even care where I’m sitting? Isn’t just sitting at a table enough?

Well… apparently not.

The other day at work, my usual lunch spot was taken. I didn’t even realize that I’d been sitting in the same seat every day until I was suddenly in a different chair, at a different angle, with a different view. It felt weird and clunky — and I swear my salad even tasted off because of it.

Not all behavior modifications are conscious or challenging. Some, like drinking 48 ounces of water in a day, feel like a struggle. Others are just tiny habits that sneak in quietly and settle into our routines.

Aside from noticing I was in a different spot at lunch, I’m not entirely sure if it distracted me or focused me more on what I was eating. But I’ll tell you this — I made sure I sat in my usual spot for dinner. That is now my place at the table. And, like Sheldon Cooper on The Big Bang Theory, no one better sit in my spot.

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So, here’s the quiet truth of Week Seven: the scale says down another pound, the clothes still say the same size, and yet something’s happening — in the mirror, in my body, in my brain. The weight is going somewhere, the habits are sinking in, and little by little, this journey is working — even if I can’t always see it yet.

This week’s loss: 1 pound

Total loss so far: 28 pounds